Epiphany Part 3.
That evening as Sheri was helping "Al" undress for bed, it hit her. What ensued was something she was not prepared for, a sudden, deep awareness, the "epiphany" that Bob and "Al" did not need SHERI. "They just needed SOMEONE to tend to their needs. Helping "Al" shower was really the most intimate and personal care that she gave Bob, protecting him from personal humiliation and embarrassment. However, someone else was able to do that without it affecting "Al" in the least, it was just a task that anybody could do, and since the relationship part of their marriage has been gone for so very many years, this realization represented for her, the death of "wife." The tears started to fall as she touched apart of her grief she had never touched and spiraled into self pity and the acknowledgment that "wife" was not the only thing that was gone, Bob was gone too.
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Oh, Sherri, God bless you so many times over. I believe that on some level our loved ones really do know us, and I think you'd agree that in heaven they will be fully aware of all we did for them and will be so grateful. I'm going through a very different but parallel loss and my heart especially understands what you're going through. May God grant you a special sense of comfort and peace today.
ReplyDeleteSharon, thank you your words are very comforting, hugs and prayers to you.
DeleteGod bless you Sharon, in heaven they will be whole again. The way you express yourself via this blog is what alot of us caregivers feel but cannot describe or put into words the way you do. You are in my prayers always
ReplyDeleteThank you Rina prayers to you as well.
DeleteMy heart aches for you- and I totally agree with Sharon above. I am going through that as Norm is in a Memory Care for a short time since his hospitalization for new meds. It is so difficult but I believe in my heart that they know the difference in our touch and our deep love for them. At least you have him to touch in bed and I know I will again soon.
ReplyDeletePraying for you at the time !!
Thank you prayers to you as well.
DeleteOh Sheri, My heart aches for you. I had the same feelings as my bob moved into residential care and he started calling his day nurse "my wife". It was the moment I too realized that He didnt need me and I was just a caregiver. It took weeks for me to accept the fact and also feel the burden lifting. I then realized I was no longer his caregiver but his voice. Making sure that things went as smoothly as possible. This disease for lack of a better word flat our :"sucks". It comes to a point that it seems much worse for us caregivers then the Patient.. I was Thankful that my Bob was beyond caring who showered or bathed him. It spared him the humiliation and saved his pride. Bless you!
ReplyDeleteLori, it is so good to know we are not alone. Thanks for being here with me.
DeleteToday your words brought me to tears. My heart aches for you. Today is four months since I buried my husband. Thankfully he never reached then end stages of Alzheimer's the pneumonia took him early while he still recognized me.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Rita217G. I don't know what to say to comfort you. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
ReplyDeletethank you!
DeleteLosing someone you love once is difficult enough. Losing them day by day, bit by bit, is excruciating. I know God has a plan and thank God he put you in my life to help me along. Your courage and honesty are such a blessing to me and I'm sure so many Sheri. I love you for showing me the way to handle grief with grace and dignity. xoxoxox Maureen
ReplyDeleteThank you Maureen, thanks for traveling this road with me. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteDear Sheri, I'm so sorry that it hurt so much to learn this. But even so, I'm very glad that you have, because I have worried how long your heart could hold out. And now you understand there is nothing "wrong" with placing him. That you have not failed or let him down. That you haven't broken your marriage vows by allowing others to take on that burden. That you deserve to get some of your life back. That there is no shame in taking some of your life back. That while the old Bob would certainly thank you a thousand times over for your selfless sacrifice - that Al absolutely cannot say thank you or appreciate what you are giving. And yes, that is the point, when there "is no point" in burning yourself out. Remember that you are still here and you still have things in this world to experience. It would be a terrible waste to lose two people to this awful disease. x
ReplyDeleteThank you Elisa for all your support and kind words you are very wise.
DeleteScreams into pillow - aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh crapcrapcrapcrap!!!! I hate this disease.
ReplyDeleteScreaming with you.
ReplyDelete